Southern Humor

The Sheriff pulled up next to a guy unloading garbage out of his truck into a ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage into the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head?" "Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumping it here cause it says, 'Fine for Dumping Garbage.' "

A group of friends went deer hunting  and paired off in two's for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry."

A young man came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pick-up truck from the parking lot." Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the licence plate number."

Too funny!

Mother Nature's Cruel Joke.

A week ago I was outside working in my flower beds. Yes it was a beautiful sunny yet chilly day. I couldn't help but get outside. I wanted to soak up some much needed Vit D' sunshine. I cleaned out the flower bed infront of my porch. It was covered in leaves and some dead flowers that I didn't get cleaned out last fall.
 As I raked away and cleared the nasty crap out of my flower bed, I discovered a happy, promising hint of spring. Tulips are coming up. It made me so happy. The thought of warmer weather being just around the corner. Who couldn't be cheered by this thought.

I also discovered a hole. That did not bring me cheer. A few years ago everyone out here had these mouse like creatures called Voles. They're slightly bigger than a mouse but don't have a tail like one.

 Once while working in my flower bed one sat right inside it's hole with it's face sticking out just watching me. It wasn't even scared. Little stinker.

Any way, voles have a whole tunnel system like gophers, that connect all the their holes. These little suckers reeked havoc on lawns, gardens, flowers, shrubs. If they liked the way it tasted, you were screwed. One good thing, they don't get in houses.

One neighbor would shoot them with a BB Gun when they'd get trapped in his window well. Yet, on the extreme opposite side another neighbor would catch them, walk up the street and release them back into the mountain. Hello, that's where they came from!!
I killed mine with Decon bricks. I put one in each hole ad never saw those little buggers again. Till now. I bought me some poison and shove it down their holes again.
Anyhow, back to Mother Nature. Well, she had different plans for my flower beds. They are once again covered in snow. We woke up this morning to about 8 inches of snow. I guess I'll wait to clean out my other flower bed infront of my kitchen windows.

Monkey Buisness

At preschool we were learning about the letter 'M'. I've mentioned before that when I teach I like to always include a simple craft of some kind. And what better craft for the letter 'M' than MONKEYS! We had 2 crafts that day so the kids were extra excited.
Guess you could say we were just monkeying around.

Here's Dawson showing off his Monkey fun.

Look Both Ways.

There's a man trying to cross the street as he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him. So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him. By now, the car is so close and the man is so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road. The car gets real close, then swerves at the last possible moment and stops next to him. The driver rolls down the window. It's a squirrel. It says to the man, "Not as easy as it looks is it."

Wrong Address:

A Chicago man got to Florida for vacation on the day before his wife was to arrive. He thought he'd send her a e-mail. Unfortunately, he missed one letter in the address. His message went to a elderly preacher's wife whose husband passed away the day before. When she opened the email, she screamed ad fell to the floor in a dead faint. Her family rushed into the room and saw this on the monitor, "Dearest wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Sure is hot down here."

I hope I've put a smile on your face today. Happily enjoy the rest of it.

Kerplop

Kerplop, kerplop, kerplop.
What's that the sound of???
The pounds coming off.
 24 and counting!

He'd Kill Me if He Knew

OK. so maybe kill would be a bit extreme, but never the less if Ty knew I did this post he might not think it as funny as I do.
Guess it's a good thing he never looks at my blog.
I was watching Legends of the Fall the other day and realized that Ty's hair resembled Brad Pitt's in this movie. Here is a little comparison for you guys to see.
 hehehe

I thought it was funny.

I hope you guys got a little giggle out of it.

Thank Goodness They're Washable

What do Crayola markers and babies have in common?
They both are washable!
And when you mix one with the other this is the result.

I knew it was a little too quiet in the kitchen.

And when we went in; this is what we found.

What a cute little crayola washable marker face.

The sticker on his forehead is courtesy of his  older sister.

I hope it tasted as good as it colored.

Mancation

What happens when you put 4 best friends from junior high together for 4 days alone?? No wives, no children, no responsibilities. A whole lotta hiking.
Ty and his buddies from junior high got together and did just that. They left their families behind and set out for some manly bonding time.
I think it's pretty cool that after all these years and how many kids later these guys are still friends. They're all involved in each others lives and inner act constantly. When I say that, I really mean it. 3 of them work together at 'Symnatec'. And Kevin isn't far behind, cause his twin Joel works with Ty and Joe. How's that for interaction. They just can't escape each other.
Here are some pics Ty took while they were all on their adventure.

My man hiking up 'Angel's Landing' in Zion National Park.


Notice the drop off on the side without the chain.
I would be holding on for dear life.

He was on top of the mountain when he called home.
How's that for cell service!

Joe Haughey and Kevin Smith.

Joe didn't make it much further past this point. It was a little too nerve racking for him.

The Boys.

L-R. Kevin Smith, Joel Smith and Joe Haughey

`

How much do we like Joe?

Dawson got his middle name after this guy.

One minute they were hiking in sand.
 The next it was snow.







Tyler said they had a blast. And I might add that I am the best wife ever to let him go and leave me a widow for a week. If you ask me, I 'd let him do again. He needs some good male bonding time.
After each hike, they would eat dinner, soak in the hot tub, call home to say good-night to their families and then watch a movie. How is that for relaxation!

Valentine Craftiness

Sometimes it really stinks that children can no longer take home-made treats to school activities. And it also stinks that there are so many kids in my kid's school classes. Each class has 31 students. For Valentines Day they had to get the good ol' store bought valentine cards. But, Dawson's preschool got the crafty, cutesy home-made ones. As did my awesome, rockin' Young Women.

These are the ones I made for Dawson to pass out to the preschool kids.


It's a simple glow stick with hearts taped to it as the point and the feathers.


It doesn't get much easier than this.

Valentine You Make My Heart 'Glow'

And for my 'rockin' YW. I made them I-PODS.

I took a box of conversation hearts, taped string to it and then wrapped the box with pink construction paper.
Then I took 2 Peanut Butter cups taped string to the ends of them and covered them with tin foil. These were the head phones.
To top it off, I printed off the face plate look of an I-POD and glued them to the front of the box.
The play list on the screen has a Valentine Play list.

The girls loved them!

Sweet Toothless

Despite not having any teeth Sawyer sure is loving his special Valentine Little Debbie heart.

Here are some cute pics of him chowing down on some sugar sweetness.

      
Sawyer is discovering the yumminess of a little cake called 'Debbie'.

Sawyer has no problem with eating different textures.

Dawson wouldn't even touch his own birthday cake on his first b-day.

Love the mouth full

Now that is one happy little baby!

Can't You See It?

I forgot to add this little funny to Dawson's Kindergarten check-up story. So, here it is.
While the guy was giving Dawson his eye exam he asked Dawson if he could see the different shapes from a certain distance. OK. I know you're all familiar with what I'm talking about. So they guy points to a shape and says, "Can you tell me what shape this is?" Dawson responds, "Can't you see that's a heart. You're right by it." The whole office got a huge laugh out of that one. The laughter only encouraged Dawson.
After everyone regained their composer the eye exam continued. On the next shape to be identified, once again he asked, "Can you tell me what this shape is?" I really think the poor guy thought that this question was safe to ask because it was a simple square. But, nothing is simple with Dawson! He replies, "Do you think it's a square or a rectangle? How about you tell me." Once again laughter erupted and everyone agreed that Dawson had 20/20 vision and the best one-liners of any 5 year old.
I think this will be one kindergarten check-up they soon won't forget.

Shot in The Butt.

It's that time of year again. For me at least. Kindergarten Registration. I picked up the kindergarten packet and set about filling it out. When I got to the immunization records I realized Dawson was in need of a few shots. I made his appt with the Doc. and we were set. The only problem was telling Dawson he was going to need shots. I decided that I would let the Doc. break the news, not me. So away we went.
They took his temp, checked his eyes, 20/20 vision, did his height and weight. Are you ready for these stats. 5 yrs old, 41 lbs. and 3ft. 10in. I don't know about most other kids but, 3ft 10in seems really tall to me. I looked at him and thought, 'Holy Moly, he really is going to be taller than me soon.' I'm 5'5.
Then it came time for the inevitable shots. There he was laying on his tummy on the bed while I hugged him and talked in his ear. He was crying and scared. I reassured him as best as I could. Even Sawyer was watching to see what was happening to his big brother. 4 shots later, Dawson was still alive, a little tender in the lower cheeks area, but OK. Sawyer even crawled over to give his big brother hugs. Then everything was fine when Dawson saw the camo band-aids they put on his bum. He thought they were pretty cool.
While we were there Dawson asked the Doc. if he could make his warts go away. 'D' has one on each pinky. I've tried to get rid of them at home with OTC. stuff, but nothing has worked. So yesterday they got frozen. The Doc. had Dawson count to 10 as he slowly froze each one. He also mentioned that Dawson has a very strong pain tolerance because he didn't even flinch with the icy cold blasts.
Later that evening Dawson did complain that his warts hurt. He was coloring and the markers were rubbing on the sores. I gave him some pain meds to hopefully help him. He seemed better once that kicked in.
All in all he's doing good and is ready for kindergarten. Except for one little bit of info I have yet to tell Dawson, he has to go back in for one more shot. They were all out of the chicken pox booster.

On a side note, Tyler happened to call while we were in the doctor's office. He talked to Dawson from the top of a mountain in Zion's National Park. He was at the peak of 'Angel's Landing'. Dawson thought it was so cool he told the doctor all about it.

I'll Protect You.

Here's Dawson's funny for the day.

Me; Dawson, your getting so tall. Your gonna be bigger than me any day now.
Dawson; Mom that's silly I won't be that tall.
Me; Oh yes you will. You're already super tall.
Dawson; Well, when I'm that tall I'll protect you.
Me; You will keep me safe?!
Dawson; Yep, I got your back.

Priceless Checks.

The other day I went up to bed to find these on my pillow.

Mackenzie had made up these checks for me to cash in whenever I wanted. They were checks for help with laundry, doing her best at a gymnastic meet, doing the dishes, popping her toes, a hug, and 1 free anything I want.

I could tell she put a lot of effort into her little service checks.

I couldn't help but smile at my little girl and her kind heart. She taught me a lesson late that night as I found the checks made out for me.

I realized that my daughter was like our Savior. He gave us a priceless gift when He died for us. His 'check' was the atonement. It's waiting there for us to cash in and use. The atonement is a gift to help us better our lives and to receive a little help to relieve our burdens. Just like my daughters '1 free anything' check. We can use the atonement to get back on the path our loving Father in Heaven has in mind for us.

What a waste it would be of His priceless gift if we were to file it away and never use it. The atonement is meant to be used just like Mackenzie's checks.