The dreaded phone call!!

OK. so it's the worst experience ever, when your kid's teacher calls you at home. Xander's teacher called me on Monday because Xan has been having a hard time paying attention and he is quite a distraction to the other students. Well, not only is he a chatty child, it turns out he is quite the instigator too!
He was poking a kid and during carpet time when the teacher has them all sit there and listen he was kicking a girl next to him and pulling her hair. Not hard! But, he was doing it.
After I got off the phone with her, I talked to Xander and asked why he was poking and kicking the girl. He said she was annoying him. How? She kept talking to me and telling me to stop. I looked at him and said, Xander that's because you were pulling her hair! And annoying her. I would tell you to stop too.
So I came up with a reward idea to encourage good behavior. We went over all the rules of the classroom and how to behave on the carpet. I thought OK. we can do this.
So the next day (Tuesday) I dropped him off, reminded him of the rules, went over his possible rewards and off he went with a kiss and a see ya later mom.
OK. progress. I picked him up after school hoping for the miracle I had been praying for and ... dramatic pause!
Not happenen today! Nope he was sent to time out again for fighting. Not like full on battle, but poking and scratching. The other boy was doing it too. It wasn't Xander just being a butt. So, home we went and yet another lecture. Tyler thinks we should give him a sever punishment like taking all his toys away. I said, um no that won't work in this house and not with Xander. He can find a piece of string and turn it into a toy complete with sound effects.
So I tried the positive approach again with reinforcing the good behavior and rewards.
The next day (Wednesday)I dropped him off and went over all the same rules and behavior. Told him I would be talking to his teacher again when I picked him up and he better be good. OK. mom, I love you.
TA-DA. He runs up to me after school excited as can be. I thought yeah!!! I went over to his teacher and asked the inevitable question. How was he? Her response,
"Um, could you talk to Xander about not spitting?" Spitting! What? He spit on her wall! Kid you not. He said it wasn't on her wall, it was on a picture on the wall. "Oh, I'm sorry, that made it a whole lot better."
This time we got home and nice mommy wasn't there. He got his choice of 2 different punishments.
#1 No friends and no going outside. And he had to write his teacher a letter saying he was sorry.
#2 Soap in his mouth and write his teacher a letter.
He chose no friends. He did pretty good until he saw and heard all his buddies outside. And it tortured him that Dawson and I went out. So he asked if he could play. "No, you chose no friends." "I choose the soap now." Alright!
He ran upstairs with me and said, I can do it.
No, mom will do it.
I grabbed the bar of Irish Spring, lathered it up real good, and had him stick his tongue out and painted it green. He tried to rinse it off right away. I said, no way. The tears were streaming, his mouth was drooling,the soap was foaming. It was a beautiful sight. I asked him, "Are you gunna spit again?" "NO!" "Are you gunna be bad?" NO! "Are you gunna sit still and listen to your teacher?" YES! "Did you learn a lesson right now?" UH HUH! "OK, one more minute!"
After he rinsed we talked about it and hopefully something sank in.
I will let you know. He's at school right now and with 1/2 an hour left that miracle better be taking place. Or fear for him.
I will keep you posted. If anyone has any idea to help please share. I only ask that child abuse not be involved. I do love the stinker. And he is a good boy. His teacher just defines him as a 5yr old boy with lots of energy.